Words of Love

Pause:

Before you start reading this devotional, take a moment to stop what you’re doing, slow down and focus on Jesus. 

Pray and ask him to open your eyes to see as you read the scriptures, and to open your ears to hear as you wait on the leading of the Spirit.

Read:

Proverbs 15v1 (ESV): “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Going Deeper:

When Shell and I got married, one of the things that surprised me the most was that she claimed that I was not the laid back, chilled-out individual that I knew I was. Shell taught me, after a few fights, disagreements and tense moments, that I could be a bit black-and-white in the way that I saw things, a bit inflexible, and a bit harsh.

When she told me this, I thought she was insane.

Me?!?! I was the happy-go-lucky, easy-breezy, relaxed guy?!?! I couldn’t believe it. The problem must actually be with her.

How wrong and ‘un-self aware’ I was.

One of our biggest miscommunications came after one fight, where she told me that I had been harsh in how I spoke to her. So, as someone who wants to grow and learn and change and love her better, I heard her out, and asked her to clarify what she meant (even if I thought she was wrong), and I promised to be more careful with how I spoke to her in the future.

Fast forward to the next time that we fought. And what happened? I said the exact same harsh, blunt, direct, tough sort of things to her, but in a softer and calmer voice, and was indignant when she told me I was still being harsh!?!?

“BUT I’M SPEAKING SOFTLY?!?!” I reasoned. 

Sadly, what I had failed to see is that communication is about more than just what we say, but also how we say it.

Our tone, body language, word choice, and facial features all communicate a message to the person we are speaking to. And even though I was speaking slowly, calmly and softly to Shell, the rest of me was communicating very aggressively.

While I thought I was putting out the fire of our disagreement with my words, I was actually pouring gasoline on our fight.

And what was even worse to see for me, is the fact, as Jesus says, that “out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.” These harsh, aggressive, grace-less things that were coming out of my mouth, pointed to areas in my heart that needed to be sanctified and changed by Jesus’ work in my life.

During this time of lockdown or quarantine, as stress-levels are higher, work or financial pressure could be growing, you could be feeling more anxiety than usual, and you could be juggling work / parenting / home schooling / cleaning your home / staying sane / trying to spend time with Jesus, etc. It would be easy for us to become grace-less in the ways we speak to others, because the sin in our hearts is coming to the surface.

Our stress could lead us to speak harshly to each other. Our fears could make us snappy. Having a lot on our minds could lead us to being impatient and irritated in the ways that we deal with others. Our speech could become angry, aggressive, harsh, cold, passive-aggressive, manipulative, gossipy, crude, or mean.

This type of speech is in line with the way of the flesh, but not the way of Jesus (Galatians 5).

Jesus has shown us another way. His ethics that He taught His disciples and us, were to: “Love one another, as I have loved you.”

To ‘love our neighbor’ means both in word and deed. It means to ask ourselves, what does it look like to love the other in this situation, in this moment, in the way Jesus would? 

And, to look below the surface and ask, “What is causing me to speak to the people around me, that I do love, in this way?”

During this time, as the pressure is turned up in all of our lives, it would be natural for each of us to start to speak harshly to those around us. But, it would be supernatural if our speech was Christ-like and full of love, despite our circumstances.

To do this, each of us needs to lean into the power of the Holy Spirit and the grace of Jesus, so that our hearts will change, and so that in turn what comes out of our mouths and our lives is pleasing to God, and reveals His love to those around us.

Pray:

Respond to God in prayer by speaking to Him about what stood out to you from this passage this morning.

Listen:

What is the Holy Spirit saying to you this morning?

Apply:

What are you going to do in response to what God is saying to you from the text and by the Spirit?